How to Slay a Dragon

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How to Slay a Dragon

Post by Foolist on Fri Apr 03, 2015 6:37 pm

This is a thread on how to slay a dragon by me, as I am a fantasy survival expert, I will explain the steps that are needed to be taken in order to slay a dragon in real life.

Musical Accompaniment

First, you must appear to be ready to slay a dragon, nobody will believe that a 17 year old Yu-Gi-Oh nerd boy wearing an Attack on Titan shirt and skinny jeans is going to be able to slay a dragon.

You must acquire a set of Knight's armor, how? Easy, this brings us to our first step.

1. Finding your Village

It is crucial that you find a village of dense, uneducated people, perhaps native folk, who can barely understand english and are very spiritual. You must acquire armor or whatever clothing that represents a lawman or something of the sort, you must look prepared for battle, so what do you do?

You obviously use your higher intelligence to out-smart or murder a Knight, a warrior, whatever you need, take his mount, be it a motorcycle or a white horse and whatever he is wearing and approach the village. Be sure that you look divine, if somehow you can paint your armor golden or your weapon any odd color like red you can appear to them as a divine being, sent by the gods to defeat this creature.

The next thing you do is swing your weapon around and begin to shout, challenging your imaginary dragon, most likely during a time where you can get everyone's attention, tell them you are going to slay this beast, and you are going to save them all from it.

2. Slaying the Beast (The Long Part)

By now you've noticed you're just trying to trick a bunch of idiots and sleep with their women, sounds like a plan, am I right?  :awe:

Now that the villagers think that you are a true dragon slayer, it's time to get down to business.

Ride your horse out in the night and make sure nobody follows you, gotta be sneaky sneaks.

Remember how it was a village? Well of course they will have a water source, catch yourself some fish, but don't eat them.
Go back to the knight you killed and cover the fish in their blood, kinda looks like dragon scales, so whatever, this is to fake your evidence.

Slay a cow and take it's hide, rub the blood and scales all over it and you have a dragon's skin.

Drag the body into a cave that nobody goes by, near bunches of trees or a large amount of flammable substance, this is to add the fire effect.

Chop some down and drag those into the cave

Pour gasoline all around the town and set it on fire at like, 4AM or whatever, but not too close to the town, just a little bit, you want to make it look like the dragon was here.

Now set that bunch of trees on fire and start screaming as you smack your sword around and hit rocks, in some cases villagers will hear you and come, tell them not to come in as you were sent by the gods to slay this daemon and sleep with all of the village's women.

Stay in this cave for a day or two and rub the fish all over your face, you want to smell bad and be bloody, later eat the fish when you are hungry, also that cow too.


You must now write a long, detailed story of how you slayed the dragon. Make sure it has perfect spelling and grammar with no loopholes or obvious errors in it. You must have it sound very intelligent and convincing...kinda convincing at least...

NOTE:When illustrating your own story, make sure the pictures at least have better quality and color.

Do not change out of your torn clothing nor take a bath, peel off some of your armor too, dirt on your face and whatever

Return back to the first town/village that you convinced them you were going to slay a dragon. Once you get there, tell them about your adventure and show them the story you wrote and the dragon skin

3. After the slaying

The dragon skin, torn armor and convincing story should make everyone wild with emotion and trust you completely

Now you are probably very famous and cherished, make the best of it! Eat all the free food offered, sleep with all the women and simply bask in glory. You can attempt to repeat your act by painting the dragon skin differently and using different caves, forests or villages.




Congratulations, you now know how to slay a dragon.


Foolist

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