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descriptionSCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)



Last edited by BlackJack on Mon Nov 07, 2016 8:23 am; edited 1 time in total

"There's no rest for the wicked~"

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)


Item#: SCP-946

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-946 is to be kept in the center of a 5 m x 5 m x 5 m windowless, soundproofed containment chamber. The only light source in the room is to be a single spotlight, situated directly above SCP-946. Cameras and audio recording devices monitor SCP-946 at all times to ensure all SCP-946 activity is recorded. A minimum of one skilled debater is to remain on call at all times. Anyone who observes a debate between SCP-946-1 and SCP-946-2 where classified Foundation information is revealed for which they do not have clearance is to be administered Class A Amnesiacs.

Description: SCP-946 is a wooden table with two accompanying chairs. At unpredictable intervals, ranging from 2 to 4 times per week, two men will appear (designated SCP-946-1 and SCP-946-2), taking the two seats. SCP-946-1 and SCP-946-2 will then have a civil argument or debate about a random subject. The topic of these arguments has varied from existential concepts to trivial and mundane subjects. In some circumstances, these debates have focused on a hypothetical event, and the merits of its occurrence. In these cases, the outcome of the argument manifests itself in reality. At any time during the debate, an outside observer may join the debate, with a new chair appearing at the table and the dimensions of the table altering to fit all parties. Should any of the "guests" make an ad hominemargument or make an intentionally false or misleading statement, SCP-946-1 will criticize them. If they continue, SCP-946-1 will state that they are no longer welcome in the debate, at which point their chair will disappear. Any further attempts for this subject to communicate with SCP-946-1 or -2 will be ignored.
Following Incident 946-██ (See Addendum 2), it has become clear that SCP-946-1 and SCP-946-2 appear to possess omniscience, or, at minimum, any knowledge that may be relevant to the discussion.
SCP-946-1 and SCP-946-2 appear, physically, to be normal humans. SCP-946-1 is a tall black man with short grey hair and a long beard, who is referred to as "Harmon". SCP-946-2 is a thin bald white man, who is referred to as "Garcian". When arguing, both men seem capable of creating three-dimensional images and summoning small objects as a means of simulating events or providing information.

Addendum 1: On 07/24/████ (See Incident Report 946-12), SCP-946-1 and SCP-946-2 requested that SCP-946 never be exposed to multiple light sources during one of their debates. In the event that it is exposed to multiple light sources, all but one light source will fail. It is unknown how SCP-946 achieves the selective nature of this effect. Prior to this request, SCP-946 did not exhibit this behavior. Upon questioning, SCP-946-2 explained that a debate had led to the conclusion that a single light source “improves the mood”.

Addendum 2: Incident Report 946-██: On 04/08/████, SCP-946-1 and SCP-946-2's discussion shifted focus unexpectedly to the subject of gravity. The debate included mention of several concepts in theoretical physics, including String Theory, [REDACTED], and [DATA EXPUNGED]. Both men seemed familiar with concepts barely understood by modern science, as well as a previously undemonstrated knowledge of several highly classified Foundation documents, most notably SCP-536's testing logs.  SCP-946-1 was arguing against the existence of gravity, while SCP-946-2 considered and commented on his arguments. Roughly fourteen minutes into the discussion, on-duty researcher Dr ███████ entered SCP-946's containment chamber and joined the debate. On later questioning, Dr ███████ claimed he was simply "stopping a potential disaster". He argued that without gravity, the universe as a whole would cease to exist in its current form. SCP-946-1 responded by pointing out that the future form could easily be superior. SCP-946-2 agreed with Dr ███████, who continued to argue with SCP-946-1 for nearly two hours before, frustrated, SCP-946-1 gave up. Containment procedures updated in light of this event. Object Class upgrade to Keter pending approval.

"There's no rest for the wicked~"

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)

Are these things real?

If everyone is unique, then would uniqueness become normal?

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)


Item #: SCP-871

Object Class: Keter

An instance of SCP-871

Special Containment Procedures: Each recurrence of SCP-871 is to be maintained within a separate, locked concrete cell on a metal platter permanently affixed to the surface of an immovable wooden table. Each cell housing a recurrence of SCP-871 is to be monitored on a 24-hour basis via closed-circuit camera, with individual feeds checked every 15 minutes.
Upon creation of an instance of SCP-871, 3 Class D personnel are to be escorted by armed guards to its cell, where they are to be sealed with the instance and induced to consume it. No more than one hour may be spent performing this task. In cases where additional motivation is needed, the termination of one of the Class D personnel assigned to an instance of SCP-871 is authorized. Upon completion of the consumption of an instance, no participants may exit the cell until both they and the room have been thoroughly searched to confirm that no portions remain. The platter, table, and room are then to be cleaned in preparation for the next instance.
Class D personnel who prove cooperative in the consumption of an instance of SCP-871 may volunteer to participate in additional consumptions. Personnel exhibiting exceptional usefulness may have their monthly termination postponed. Such personnel are under no circumstances to be allowed to interact with any other SCP object.
No desserts of any kind are to be served on-site at any facility housing a recurrence of SCP-871.

Description: SCP-871 is a collection of 237 cakes. Instances of SCP-871 vary widely in appearance and size, covering the entire range of foods described by humans as "cake". The smallest observed instance of SCP-871 was a miniature cupcake with a mass of 15 grams. The largest yet observed was a 22-kilogram baumkuchen measuring 2 meters in length.
When any instance of SCP-871 is consumed by a human or a collection of humans, it is replaced approximately 24 hours afterward with a similar cake. This cake will appear on a flat surface in the vicinity of the location where the previous instance was eaten. If any of these cakes is substantially damaged through any means other than being eaten by a human, including being eaten by a non-human animal, it will be replaced instantaneously. Instances recreated in this manner maintain the schedule of the original instance. The mechanism by which instances of SCP-871 are replaced is currently unknown.
Individual recurrences of SCP-871 have been observed to "mutate" over time, varying in minor characteristics between each instance, with larger changes occurring in roughly 5% of replacements. No deleterious effects have been observed to result from the consumption of SCP-871, even in cases where several instances have been consumed, excepting those expectable from eating large amounts of cake.
SCP-871's danger originates in the consequences of an instance not being eaten. Any instance of SCP-871 which is not consumed will cause a new cake to be created in its vicinity after 24 hours. While this is similar to its normal "replacement" behavior, the original instance will continue to exhibit the same properties, replicating if damaged and continuing to "replace" itself every 24 hours. This behavior has been observed in all cases where more than 10% of the mass of an instance remained unconsumed. As there is no known mechanism for halting SCP-871's replication, any uncontained instances could replicate exponentially, quickly becoming unmanageable. No maintainable plans for the containment of more than 20,000 instances of SCP-871 have yet been devised. It is estimated that an uncontrolled outbreak originating with a single instance would render the earth uninhabitable within 80 days.

"There's no rest for the wicked~"

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)

I don't know if I like this because I'm partly insane or if it truly is just a wonderful piece fiction.

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)

Item #: SCP-2014

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2014 is to be kept in an artificial habitat appropriate for geckos in Site-27. It should be cared for as specified in care sheet 2014-A, derived from open-source material on Eublepharis macularius. SCP-2014 may use its skateboard for recreational purposes if good behaviour is maintained, although it must be kept under surveillance with anesthesiologists standing by in case it attempts to breach containment.

Description: SCP-2014 is an adult male gecko belonging to the Eublepharis macularius species, measuring 8.5 cm in length. SCP-2014 is physically indistinguishable from other members of its species.
SCP-2014 is sapient and possesses telekinetic abilities. It can use these abilities to manipulate objects from afar. SCP-2014 is capable of manipulating any object within 24 meters of itself, regardless of whether or not it is visible. SCP-2014 identifies itself as “Zsar Magoth”, an extradimensional entity suspected to have been responsible for creating multiple cults and causing several crimes, such as murder, theft, and indecent exposure.
SCP-2014 came to the attention of the Foundation on the 21st of February, 1998, when one of the contestants in a skateboarding championship in Los Angeles, California was seen performing physically impossible stunts. It was later discovered that the constestant had performed an occult ritual in order to summon the consciousness of Zsar Magoth into the body of his pet gecko. SCP-2014 was kept inside the pocket of the contestant, and used its telekinetic powers to give him an advantage in the championship. All witnesses were given Class-B amnestics.

Addendum: Interview Log
Interviewed: SCP-2014

Interviewer: Doctor ██████
Foreword: SCP-2014 was given a pen and paper to manipulate telekinetically in order to communicate. All answers are transcribed verbatim.

Doctor ██████:
 Hello, SCP-2014. Can you understand me?

 Loud and clear, doc-o.

Doctor ██████:
 I want to ask you some questions, if you don’t mind.

 Sure, that sounds gnarly.

Doctor ██████:
 The body you are occupying is not your original one, correct?

 That's right, I got dibs on this lizard booty when this wimpy kid summoned me. Dude was flipping his wig over some skate competition. I could see that he was a total newb that would make nothing but sketchy moves. But I couldn't believe I was being summoned for something like that, y'know? And the little flake didn't even bring me a sacrifice. Don't kids read Lovecraft these days?

Doctor ██████:
 This person summoned you to get an advantage in the competition, is that right?

 Yeah, the little guy wanted me to use my wicked powers to kick his skills up a notch. Nothing against that, but I personally think you should work for what you want. Just look at yours truly. Dozens of cults have stolen, killed, and totally wigged out in my name.

Doctor ██████:
 Then why did you help him?

 I gotta be honest, doc-o. Every rule has its exception. And the exception for me was skating, because in all my aeons I've never seen something so far out. I used to think you guys were all a bunch of flakes who I would gladly destroy once I became powerful enough. But now I know better.

Doctor ██████:
 I see. You also claim to be an extradimensional entity. Could you tell us more about where you came from, and if there are more like you there?

 It is pretty insane. There are planets and stars like in your universe, but life ain't the same. We've got stuff like planet-sized, star-eating crystal serpents, sick lightning storms that fertilize the ground to create clockwork plants, some chill oceans filled with diamond corals and also winged carnivorous eggs that never stop singing Spice Girls songs. And yeah, there's like a bajillion guys like me. It's hella hard to stand out from the crowd to get someone to summon you and give a sacrifice, but I get by.

Doctor ██████:
 What would happen if your current body were destroyed?

 I would go back home. And if I didn't get a sacrifice, the wife and slime spawn wouldn't be too stoked about it.

Doctor ██████:
 You have a wife and child?

 Dude, PLEASE don't remind me.

Doctor ██████:
 Alright. This is enough for the interview. Thank you, SCP-2014.

 Hey doc-o, can I ask you a favor?

Doctor ██████:
 That depends.

 See if you can find some time to go skating with me. I can teach you wicked moves if you're in the mood.

Doctor ██████:
 I'll think about it.

"There's no rest for the wicked~"

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)


Item #: SCP-2988

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The grove containing SCP-2988 has been quarantined by Foundation personnel. Personnel will monitor SCP-2988 actions before, during and after a test subject is introduced to it. Researchers should be wary of the four meter radius at which SCP-2988 responds to human interaction, as well as the thirty meter radius that limbs from SCP-2988 can travel. Researchers at Site-45 and personnel stationed at SCP-2988 have been instructed to report new findings/discoveries about SCP-2988's origins, as well as information on POI Izaak.

Description: SCP-2988 is a tree located in a grove within North America in [REDACTED]. It bears resemblance to the quaking aspen (Populus tremuloides), albeit possessing black leaves, black and grey mottled bark, and a fruit not found on standard Populus tremuloides; this fruit is now labeled SCP-2988-1. SCP-2988 is twenty-six meters in height, with a crown length and width of eight meters each.
SCP-2988-1 have black skin, soft, red-orange flesh, and are ovular in appearance. The juice of SCP-2988-1 possesses narcotic and anesthetic properties, inducing hallucinations, giddiness, and vomiting in subjects, followed by numbness, and loss of motor skills.
Several branches of SCP-2988 are affixed at the end with animal and human forelimbs, all of which appear to have been ripped off with extreme force. Said limbs do not show signs of decay, despite constant exposure to the elements. These forelimbs possess full dexterity, and assist SCP-2988 in grasping, hitting, and restraining those that come near SCP-2988.
When a human comes within four meters of SCP-2988, SCP-2988 will bend noticeably towards them at the trunk. Appendages on SCP-2988 near the subject then pick and offer SCP-2988-1 to them, gesturing in a manner indicative of SCP-2988 wanting the subject to eat the fruit. If SCP-2988-1 is consumed, SCP-2988 will wait until the subject is incapacitated by the fruit's effects before taking further action. If the fruit is refused, or if the subject tries to leave the vicinity of SCP-2988, SCP-2988 will attempt to force-feed SCP-2988-1 to them, often restraining the subject via forelimbs. If a subject attempts to flee, SCP-2988 has been observed smearing juice from SCP-2988-1 on the attached limbs and removing them; limbs retain full autonomy while separated from SCP-2988, using the digits for transportation in pursuit of the subject. They can travel approximately thirty meters from SCP-2988 while in pursuit before showing signs of losing mobility1. Limbs have been observed dragging "fatigued" limbs back to SCP-2988.
If a subject is captured, SCP-2988 will grab them by their wrists and ankles, and elevate them to the uppermost branches; if there are multiple subjects, they are spread evenly throughout the branches. During this time, juice from SCP-2988-1 is constantly dripped into the subject's mouth; any person held captive is usually unable to resist at this point, due to both their restraint, and their drugged state.
Approximately three minutes later, forelimbs on SCP-2988 will cease "drip-feeding" subjects. SCP-2988 as a whole will begin to shake increasingly, with its leaves beginning to produce the distinct rustling noises heard from normal quaking aspen trees. Limbs near the subject will then grab the length of one of their arms and pull back violently until the arm is removed.
Limbs removed from a subject are passed around through the branches of SCP-2988 until a relatively empty area of space is found. A branch will insert itself in the exposed muscle of the limb, possibly anchoring/binding itself to the bones. After approximately forty seconds, the newly attached appendage shows signs of regained dexterity. SCP-2988 will then violently throw all subjects to the ground at its roots; subjects are usually killed from the impact. Over the next seventy two hours, the bodies rapidly rot, presumably acting as "fertilizer" for SCP-2988 in the process; SCP-2988 grows several dozen SCP-2988-1 as the bodies decompose. During this time, SCP-2988 has also been observed to "lob" several SCP-2988-1 away from itself; it is hypothesized that this may be an attempt by SCP-2988 to reproduce.

Addendum 2988-1: Despite being a fruit-bearing tree, attempts to cultivate SCP-2988-1 have so far proven unsuccessful, though scientists are to continue studying SCP-2988-1 samples to learn more about its properties. Recursive testing reveals that the seeds of SCP-2988-1 may in fact be infertile.

Addendum 2988-2: On ██/██/████, SCP-2988 began displaying previously unseen activity. SCP-2988 removed eight limbs of varying species without an intended target. The appendages proceeded to travel in pairs to the thirty meter border line, and proceeded to dig into the ground until a hole large enough to fit a single limb was made. One appendage then buried itself into the hole so that the hand and wrist were still above-ground. The other limb then appeared to "expire", ceasing all movement and rapidly decaying. Though aware of what SCP-2988 was possibly trying to attempt, personnel were instructed to wait 96 hours before taking further action.
All buried limbs were removed from the ground after 96 hours had passed. Several minor to moderate injuries were inflicted on personnel; most limbs resisted removal, attempting to grab, crush, and swat at personnel attempting to remove them. Limbs were contained in individual study containers, and continued to attempt escape. Twelve hours after removal, all limbs "expired", and were deemed safe to study. Examination revealed early stages of plant roots growing from the base of each appendage. Each limb has been kept in their container for future research.
As of ██/██/████, personnel are ordered to removed any "planted" limbs from SCP-2988 within 24 hours of burying.

Addendum 2988-3: Foreword: Several documents found within SCP-2746 (located near Site-45-A) have described a tree that bears several similarities to SCP-2988, as well as information on its assumed creator, Izaak.
For sake of easier reading, the documents have been divided into subsections to signify the beginning and ends of noticeable events.
Collaborative research is ongoing in both Site-45 and SCP-2988's containment site. For a list of possible information related to SCP-2988, please see File SCP-2988, Full Documentation. Access to these files can be obtained with a Level 2 Clearance and above.

  • Addendum SCP-2988-3: Part A
  • Part B
  • Part C
  • Part D

Documents 2988, Set 1, translated from original A-12: Recovered ██/██/████. Documents were found within a shrine in SCP-2746, bundled together with twine. It appears they were hidden behind several bricks in a now crumbling portion of wall. Traces of DNA similar to the spotted hyena (Crocuta crocuta) were found on the paper; it appears the text was scratched on with a claw/nail and black ink.

The snow continues to fall, and the blood of my former and lasting friends falls along with it. It has now been ███ days since the Maker's decree. ███ days since the fighting began, ███ days since I watched Adair torn apart by the starving, ███ since Hahn was eaten by Maddock, Maddock, who I thought as my brother, and ██ days since Hadassah, in all her foolishness, sided with the Furies and was hammered to a cross. I saw her hanging, screaming as the snow burned her as she hung with her head pointing towards the ground, how her skin froze and fell off like paper. And I couldn't help her. I shouldn't have helped her. She was a heretic, and she  deserved what was coming to her. Anyone who still has the sanity to see that Suiward and Sari are in the right realizes this. So why, why does everyone insist on joining the blasphemers, the heathens, the mad who think that the Maker can be overthrown?
For the past two weeks, I have resorted to hiding in a shack hidden by the ice, hoping that some stray, hungry animal doesn't smell me out, or dig me up.
I am so hungry. But while the Maker says eating will save my mind, I truly doubt that what he says is true. Tearing apart my fellow colleagues won't preserve me in the slightest.
Suiward, Sari find me, please. Save me from the insane that run outside.
I'm hungry. I'm so hungry.

Hunger got the best of me, and I tried to go outside today. I couldn't find any plants worth eating, and I didn't have the strength to try and craft something up. The snow began to tingle as soon as I stepped out. It was a mistake to try and leave.
Wieverr was outside. I think it was Wieverr. His back was turned, but I know that black coat and the way his tail twitched.
He was eating someone. I couldn't tell who, but I whimpered, and Wieverr heard it.
I ran. I ran so hard. I couldn't see where I was going, with the snow in my face, the fear in my chest, and the sound of Wieverr's panting behind me.
I couldn't run fast enough. Wieverr managed to catch up to me. I felt his teeth clamp down on my foreleg and I let out a scream as I felt it being torn halfway off. He crushed it. I felt the bone shatter like glass. It hurt so bad. It hurt. It hurt. It hurts.
Then Threccia came in. I saw her tusks run Wieverr through his gut, heard him yelp, and I ran again, as fast I could.
The snow's covered everything. The only thing good about it is that it's numbed my leg.

Found a goat. Might have been Gwaerth. Could have been Praeshard. Doesn't matter. They were frozen. Eaten too. Neck and ribs were in splinters.
It's not…a crime/sin if I took a nibble/gnaw/chew (??)2, right? There wasn't much left and I buried them after.  I was starving. I had to.

Kept walking. Found a shrine. Cold inside.
But colder outside. I went in.
Continuing off. Passed out. Don't know how long.
There were sticks and leaves in the fire pit. Incense too. They tasted like shit. (??)

Maker, forgive me, please. I didn't bury them all. I used some of their bones for a brace. Took some more to chew on.

Maker, forgive me, please. I (Text illegible and smeared) Damn toe.

(The next two pages are filled with the words "Forgive me", along with what are assumed to be several names of those the writer knew).

Writing again. When did the bones lose their flavor? Did I get everything out of them already? 

Licked it. Hungry.
Useless now.
NO. Not doing it. No no no no no no no—

(Bottom half of document appears to have been chewed on, though it does not appear any text was written on this portion.)

How long was that instrument/wand/tool (??) in the corner? I was licking up snow and found it buried. At a happier time I would have crafted something immediately. Doesn't do me any good now. I don't have a base to work with.

Could I craft something? Fire pit has parts/components/ingredients (??). But I need something more. Regardless, whatever I make, I need food.

Finished. (Below this word, there are several hand-drawn symbols/runes that appear to serve some ritualistic/spiritual purpose; the meaning of these symbols are being researched.)

Almost out of paper. Last four sheets, actually. Bit/chomped/gnashed (??) the rest while crafting, and stopping the bleeding.  It was worth it. It wouldn't have been able to support me anyways the way it was going. And I used the sticks and incense in the craft as well. Made a little sprout (??), and it makes fruit. I ate them all and nearly threw up.
I've never tasted anything better in my life. I just wish my leg wasn't stuck on top like that. It looks so out of place. Doesn't help that I know where the missing toe went.

"There's no rest for the wicked~"

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)

*clicks the link 



I'm stupid not dump

I have... no idea how to play this game... I should have been kicked out a long time ago... but I keep winning

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)

Item #: SCP-3008

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: The retail park containing SCP-3008 has been purchased by the Foundation and converted into Site-██. All public roads leading to or passing by Site-██ have been redirected.
The entrance to SCP-3008 is to be monitored at all times, and no one is to enter SCP-3008 outside of testing, as permitted by the Senior Researcher.
Humans exiting SCP-3008 are to be detained and then debriefed prior to the administration of amnestics. Dependant on the duration of their stay in SCP-3008, a cover story may need to be generated prior to their release.
Any other entities exiting SCP-3008 are to be terminated.

Description: SCP-3008 is a large retail unit previously owned by and branded as IKEA, a popular furniture retail chain. A person entering SCP-3008 through the main entrance and then passing out of sight of the doors will find themselves translocated to SCP-3008-1. This displacement will typically go unnoticed as no change will occur from the perspective of the victim; they will generally not become aware until they try and return to the entrance.
SCP-3008-1 is a space resembling the inside of an IKEA furniture store, extending far beyond the limits of what could physically be contained within the dimensions of the retail unit. Current measurements indicate an area of at least 10km2 with no visible external terminators detected in any direction. Inconclusive results from the use of laser rangefinders has lead to the speculation that the space may be infinite.
SCP-3008-1 is inhabited by an unknown number of civilians trapped within prior to containment. Gathered data suggests they have formed a rudimentary civilisation within SCP-3008-1, including the construction of settlements and fortifications for the purpose of defending against SCP-3008-2.
SCP-3008-2 are humanoid entities that exist within SCP-3008-1. While superficially resembling humans they possess exaggerated and inconsistent bodily proportions, often described as being too short or too tall. They possess no facial features and in all observed cases wear a yellow shirt and blue trousers consistent with the IKEA employee uniform.
SCP-3008-1 has a rudimentary day-night cycle, determined by the overhead lighting within the space activating and deactivating at times consistent with the opening and closing times of the original retail store. During the "night" instances of SCP-3008-2 will become violent towards all other lifeforms within SCP-3008-1. During these bouts of violence they have been heard to vocalise phrases in English that are typically variations of "The store is now closed, please exit the building". Once "day" begins SCP-3008-2 instances immediately become passive and begin moving throughout SCP-3008-1 seemingly at random. They are unresponsive to questioning or other verbal cues in this state, though will react violently if attacked.
SCP-3008-1 is known to have one or more exits located within though these exits do not appear to have a fixed position, making it difficult to leave SCP-3008-1 once inside. Using any other door besides the main entrance to enter the structure or breaking through the walls of the retail unit leads into the non-anomalous interior of the original store.
Since containment began 14 individuals have managed to exit SCP-3008. Following extensive debriefing all individuals have been administered amnestics and released.

Incident 3008-1: At 00:37 on ██/██/200█ a human male exited SCP-3008, followed 10 seconds later by an instance of SCP-3008-2. SCP-3008-2 caught and killed the man before itself being terminated by armed response personnel. This incident represents the only time an instance of SCP-3008-2 has been seen exiting SCP-3008. A full autopsy on the corpse was performed; see 3008-2 Autopsy Log for more details.
The man was carrying an IKEA-branded journal seeming to document his time in SCP-3008-1, transcribed below verbatim.

Open Notebook :

So, I'm writing this to document what I can only assume is my sudden descent into insanity. I can't possibly be THAT bad a navigator, and yet as I write this I've been trapped in Ikea for 2 days. I haven't seen another person in the entire time I've been here. I thought it was a prank at first. Turn the place into a maze, get all the people out and see how long it takes me to get lost, then everyone has a good old laugh. Realised that wasn't the case when I tried to backtrack. Everything had changed, so I ended up lost. Instead of the exit, it was just row after row of bookcases.
So, I'm trapped in Ikea. Sounds like the setup for a bad joke. The lights went out at 10pm. Nearly gave me a fucking heart attack, that loud electrical THUNK sound and then pitch blackness. Place is full of beds though and my phone has a torch on it - but no damn signal - so I found a bed and went to sleep. Spent most of the next day trying to find my way out with no luck. Did find a restaurant serving those meatballs though, so at least I won't starve. That's probably the punchline to that joke. Anyway they were still warm and fresh, but I haven't seen anyone around who could have cooked them. Made my way back to the beds before the lights cut out again since it's too dark to search with them off.
It's 9.10am now, the lights came back on a little while ago. I'm sure I've searched the entire area around where I came in now and the exit obviously isn't here, so I'm going to pick a direction and hope for the best.

Day 3 of my magical Ikea mystery adventure. If I wasn't sure that there was something seriously weird about this place before, I am now. Walked for 3 hours in a more or less straight line (insert Ikea joke here) before I came across a ladder next to one of those huge stock shelves they have here. Climbed up to get my bearings, and it looks like this place just stretches on forever. Like that scene from the Lion King, except instead of trees and grass it was all shelves and tables and crap. I did see a person moving not too far away though, so I headed over.
Thought it was a staff member at first - it was wearing the uniform. And hell maybe it was, maybe freakish 7ft tall monsters with long arms, short legs and no faces are just the kinds of thing they want working at Super Ikea. Damn thing completely ignored me though, and with no eyes or ears I can't even be sure it knew I was there. Thought about shoving it or something to get its attention, but its hands were big enough to crush a water melon so I decided against it. It just kept moving along and eventually I lost sight of it so I decided to carry on the way I was going.
Anyway, no comfy bed for me tonight. Looks like I've entered the Improbably Hard and Pointy Table section of the store. Guess I'll have to make do with some bunched up tablecloths. Phone battery died during the day too. Didn't work anyway, but I feel like I've just lost some vital lifeline.

You ever see one of those cartoons where they're going through doors in a hallway and they just pop out of another door in the same hallway? That's how I feel right now. I've seen nothing but the same identical bookshelf for 2 days now. Just row after row after row of them. I mean, come on. I love books as much as the next guy, but this is excessive. I'm obviously still moving forwards though, I can see the signs hanging overhead passing by. Too bad none of them say "Exit".
Not sure who I was addressing that question to. Lets just say it was practice for the autobiography I'm going to write when I get out of here. I'll call it "My perfectly normal trip to a regular old Ikea".
If I ever get out o

Finally found some other people! Yeah, turns out I'm not the only poor bastard trapped in here. Lucky for me, I guess. My 6th night here, 2 of those staff things came at me in the dark. Different from the first one I saw, but still messed up. Heard them coming, they were saying that the store was closed and I had to leave the building, all nice and polite like. I'm not sure which part of that was weirder, that they don't have mouths or that they were apparently trying to kill me while they were saying it. Came at me like rabid dogs.
So, I legged it. Sprinting through ikea in the dark like a fucking madman. I saw it when I cleared another stand of those giant stock shelves, all lit up with torches and floodlights. They've built a whole town in here! Got a massive wall built out of shelves and beds and tables and whatever else. I swear to god it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Anyway I guess they saw me coming (or maybe they heard my girlish manly bellows of fear), because they had a gate open and 2 people were there waving me in. Heard the staff things slam into the gate behind me after it closed, still politely informing us all that the store was now closed. They wandered off eventually though.
They call the town Exchange, because that's whats on the sign hanging from the ceiling directly above it. Exchange and Returns. All lit up against the night using lights they've found and plugged into the power lines. And there are beds and food and people. Over 50 wonderful people with regular sized limbs and a full set of facial features. It's now my 7th night here, and the first one not spent in darkness. A full week living in Ikea. There's probably a TV show in that somewhere.

Now that I'm around other people, I'm starting to feel more normal. Maybe normal isn't the word. But after a week with only the sound of my own footsteps for company, I was becoming increasingly sure that I'd just gone nuts. That I was tied up in some padded room somewhere, banging my head against the wall. But no, I feel quite sane now, thank you very much!
Apparently there are other towns out there. Some with more people, some with less. I found that fairly mind-boggling - how can that many people go missing with no one noticing. Surely someone would have noticed that everyone who goes to ikea seems to fucking vanish. Or maybe it's not everyone. Maybe we're just the lucky ones.
The people here just call those staff monster things the Staff. Apparently they are fine during the day, minding their own business walking the aisles. As soon as those lights go out though, they go fucking bonkers. So during the day people go out to find food, water and whatever else they need. Apparently there are restaurants and shops around that randomly get restocked. No one knows how. Maybe the staff do it. Apparently they aren't very good at their jobs though because the restocking sometimes takes a while, which means the food needs to be rationed. Maybe if they weren't so busy chasing people around in the dark they'd get more done.
Anyway when night comes the staff go nuts and everyone holds up inside the walls. Apparently it's the same everywhere in this place, whatever this place is. The Ur-Ikea, from whence all other Ikeas sprang. Or maybe we're all still just in the regular ikea and this is all some fever dream brought on by mind-numbing boredom. Who knows.

Been here for 10 days now. Most of the people I asked said they stopped keeping track a long time ago and one guy, Chris, said he'd been in here for years.
Apparently there are rumours of people who do manage to get out. And of people who see the exit, only to have it vanish before their very eyes. I get the feeling not everyone believes that, but I do. Explains how we got stuck in here in the first place (sort of). And I mean, come on. Staff monsters, row after endless row of high quality Swedish furniture. I don't know why they would find a disappearing door so hard to believe in.
Anyway, I went out scavenging for food at a nearby shop with Sandra and Jerry today. Once you learn the landmarks of this place it's not so hard to navigate. The overhead signs help a lot, but there are others; not too far in the distance a huge section of those giant stock shelves has collapsed against each other and way off in the east (we all assume it's east anyway - apparently Ikea doesn't sell compasses) is some kind of tower that looks like its made of wood, reaches all the way to the ceiling. Maybe they were trying to break out through the roof. Lights up at night so there must be people there, but its apparently a few days walk (which means it must be miles away) so no one here really knows for sure. Apparently I got incredibly lucky sleeping out in the open for a week without getting ripped to bits by the staff. That's me. Lucky lucky lucky.
We found some food in the shop. Guess the staff restocked it during the night, which was nice of them. There was a telephone on the wall, so I figured I'd try it out. There was a voice on the other end, but they were just talking nonsense. Random words strung together with no real meaning. You ever see a video of someone with aphasia? Kind of sounded like that. Didn't answer me when I spoke to them anyway. Sandra says all the phones in here are the same.
Oops, asking the journal questions again!

I was thinking last night. The ceiling on this place is pretty high and as far as anyone can tell it goes on forever. Shouldn't there be some kind of weather in here? I'm sure I read about some NASA building that was so big it had its own weather patterns, with clouds and stuff. This place is definitely bigger than that, but now that I think about it I'm pretty sure I've never felt so much as a temperature change in here.
I'll add it to the Grand List of Weird Bullshit.

The staff attacked the Exchange last night. Must have been 20 or 30 of them all just asking us to leave the store calm as you like, while trying to smash the walls down with their bare hands. Apparently this happens pretty regularly, so everyone is prepared for it. Knives from the restaurants, lawn mower blades made into hatchets, a fire axe. One guy, Wasim, even made a functional crossbow. Anyway the walls have holes in them, which I hadn't noticed before, specifically so we can stab out at the staff when they attack. Took a couple of them down myself. They don't seem to bleed, which is weird, but they go down as easy as a regular person once you start sticking holes in them.
We had to haul the bodies away in the morning. Apparently the dead ones will attract more during the night, so we had to get them away from Exchange. We have a couple of those trolley things they use to move big boxes around, so we loaded them up and took them over to Pickup. Apparently people just name everything in here after whatever sign is hanging overhead.
Pickup was grisly. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of dead staff all piled up. There was no smell, which was a blessing. Apparently in addition to not bleeding, these things don't rot either. My curiosity got the better of me while we were unloading them, so I took a look at one of the more cut-up ones. They're just skin, or something that looks like skin, all the way through. No muscle, no bone, no organs. Are they even really alive in the first place? They certainly seem like they have bones when they are moving around, pounding on the walls. And I'm sure I felt more resistance than just skin when the knife went in during the night. Maybe something happens to them when they die. Just one more thing on the ever-increasing list of Weird Shit that goes on in here, I guess.

Something occurred to me, after the staff attack the other night. Every time you see a situation like this on TV or in a film, like its the end of the world or everyone is trapped on an island or whatever, once groups like ours start to form people always seem to turn on each other. Fighting for food or dominance or whatever else. That hasn't happened here. Apparently people from other towns come by from time to time, just to check in or occasionally to trade if they are short on something. But everything is always cordial. Friendly, even. Maybe its the threat of the staff, or perhaps the constant restocking of supplies in the shops means there's nothing much to fight over.
Maybe people are just better than they are generally given credit for. That's a nice thought. I think I'll go with that one.

A dozen people showed up at the gates this afternoon from a town called Trolleys. Apparently the staff broke through the walls and tore the town apart during the night. These 12 are the only survivors out of over a hundred. We let them in, obviously. One more point in the human decency column. Later, I asked if anyone knew how many of these towns there were out there. Between us and the new folks, we managed to come up with over 20 names. 20 towns filled with people, and who knows how many beyond that.
The motto for this place should be "How Is That Even Possible". Surely someone, somewhere must be looking for the thousands of people that must be in here.

I've been here for a little over 2 months now. Not that much changes, as it turns out. A couple of new people showed up, same story as the rest of us. Nice little trip to Ikea and suddenly they're trapped in Billy Bookcase's House of Faceless Weirdos. The staff attack the Exchange once or twice a week. We kill them and haul their bodies off, sometimes they hurt some of us first. They killed a guy called Jared a couple of weeks back. It was awful, frankly. Turns out regular humans still bleed in here, even if the staff don't. We tried our best, but none of us are doctors.
Jared was a good guy. He deserved better. We all do.
It occurred to me a couple of days after that, none of us were really looking for a way out of here. I don't even know where we'd start.

One of those quad copter things with a camera attached buzzed passed Exchange today. I thought it meant that someone was finally looking for us, that help was on the way. Apparently it's not the first time this has happened, though. Same thing happened a few months ago, and everyone is still here.
No idea if it saw us, it didn't stop if it did. Just kept flying until we could no longer see it.

Note: Based on recovery time of the journal, this entry appears to line up approximately with our first successful test piloting a drone inside SCP-3008-1. Analysis of footage shows a walled settlement under a sign labelled "Exchange and Returns" Attempts to relocate the settlement failed. Origin of previously sighted drones is unknown.
I started talking to people about the stuff they miss from home during dinner today. Probably not the best idea I've ever had, everyone seemed pretty down after. A bunch of people here have families. Husbands and wives, kids. Dogs. Franklin apparently has a pet llama, though I'm not sure I buy that.
But apparently some of the people here have some seriously odd gaps in their knowledge. 3 of them had never heard of the International Space Station, 2 of them seemed to think █████ ███████ was the Prime Minister, and one of them had apparently never heard of the Statue of Liberty. I believe them, too. They seemed just as confused as the rest of us.
The more I thought about it though, the more it started to explain a few things. What if the reason no one is looking for all us missing people is because we haven't all come from the same place. This is going to sound weird (maybe that should be the motto for this place) but what if all the people here have come from different dimensions? Realities? Whatever you call it. I've seen enough TV shows to know the drill. Sarah comes from a place where there is no Statue of Liberty. They didn't launch a space station where Wasim is from. If everyone here came from different places, even from ones that seem identical, there'd be no huge missing persons panic. No mass search. We'd just be a blip, a single missing person in a world of non-stop news.
Well. That was a fun train of thought.

Just realised that yesterday was the six month anniversary of my arrival here. I wonder if Ikea sells party hats. The routine around here has remained more or less the same. More new folk show up, one every couple of weeks or so. Food supplies go up and down, but we've never actually had a major shortage. Occasionally we get a visitor from one of the nearby towns, usually Checkouts or Aisle 630. We check in with each other from time to time, occasionally trade supplies if someone gets particularly low on something. It's comforting, in a way. A reminder that we aren't alone in here, some small glimmer of civilisation. Sometimes they bring medical supplies. Apparently there's a pharmacy a few towns down from Checkouts that gets restocked every now and then, so they share out what they can. I've never heard of an Ikea with a pharmacy before but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if someone stumbled on an Ikea Organ Harvesting Lab. Would certainly explain the staff.
Speaking of our faceless jailers, their attacks have been getting worse lately. 3 or 4 times a week now, with twice as many staff as there used to be. No idea where they all come from, or why the attacks have increased. We tried following one of them during the day a few weeks ago, me and Sarah. Wanted to see if they lead back to a staff room or something. Didn't seem to go anywhere though, just randomly walked through the aisles. We had to turn back before we found anything.
We've been reinforcing the walls, trying to arm ourselves better. Certainly no lack of materials to use. Wasim has been making more crossbows, but it's pretty slow going.
Too bad Ikea doesn't sell guns.

Note: No new personnel have entered SCP-3008 at Site-██ in the time span indicated in this entry.
The attacks are getting bad now. Almost every night, and with so many staff that the bodies almost pile high enough for others to climb the walls. I think we're in real trouble here.

Exchange is
I think Exchange is done. We got hit pretty bad last night. Not many casualties, but the wall is wrecked. We finally figured out why the attacks had been escalating, too. A box of supplies had a chunk of one of the staff in there. No idea how it happened but apparently a piece of one will draw them as well as a full body. Too late now in any case, there's too many bodies for us to haul away and still have time to fix the wall before night. Candace has called a meeting. I suspect there will be talk of abandoning Exchange, maybe try and get shelter at Checkouts or something.
It's already getting late though. I don't think we'll have time to make it. Maybe some of us will. I was fine for that first week out in the dark, after all. But then, how often can I keep getting lucky.
I'm only writing this for a sense of closure, I guess. For me, or for anyone who finds this. If this is the final entry here, I hope whoever is reading this is doing so from outside of this place.

My biggest fear? If I do die tonight, I'll just wake up here again in the morning.

"There's no rest for the wicked~"

descriptionRe: SCP Database (SECURE CONTAIN PROTECT)

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